Mom, I did not get any award in the school. My friend is getting an award and she is very excited….
This is a most common feeling which a kid might get. At the first instance, we really don’t know how to deal with it. We are feeling sad for them and somewhere inside our heart even we want them to win.
We have a competitive world today. The competition starts as early as in childhood and continues for ever.
The very first rule to deal with this situation in a positive manner is to first make ourselves understand that every kid is different, has different expertise and should not be compared to other kids. Sometimes as parents, we also feel that our kids are smart and intelligent ones, still they are not getting what they should have in their schools. We need to understand that these small experiences at this age are preparing our kids for a very long term competition which they will face in future. As a parent, we have to assure that they accept it and are able to show proper behaviour to those who are winning.
What can we do to help our kids in this situation?
1- Hear them without interrupting: It is important that they express them clearly. Talking to parents should come to their mind immediately whenever they feel like this. As a parent, it is our duty to hear them out and not think why they are getting jealous of others. If you discourage them at this point, they will be left without any support in the future. They are too small to understand these issues and get solutions at this point.
2- Give them the reasons why they are special to you: Its alright to not win in everything you do. They should know their expertise and you should encourage them in that. Its alright if they even do not win in their own expertise sometimes. Explain them how to deal with such situations. Give them real life examples of things that happen.
3- No matter what, you will always love them and stand next to them: Your kids should always have this feeling inside. No matter what, my parents will always love me even when I am unable to achieve something. Don’t pressurize them to achieve things and just help them work for it. Tell them its alright even if they don’t win. Important is they worked hard and you love them for this.
4- Teach them to feel happy for others: It is quite normal that sometimes others win in certain competitions. Teach them how we can be happy for others and appreciate their winning and not feel sad for ourselves. At the end of the day, all tried their best and only one will win. This will make them better people in their life.
5- Don’t encourage too much competition: Sometimes it is us parents who are putting too much of competition in our kid’s head. You must win, you must get good marks, if your friend can achieve this, then why not you? All such discussions should be avoided as much as possible.
6- Discourage sibling comparisons: It is also important that we do not compare our own two kids. It is quite natural that we love all our kids and we want them to be the best. Sometimes we keep praising one’s achievement and ignore the other. It is also being observed that sometimes to not do this, we just ignore one kid’s achievements and concentrate on the one not achieving. Both the things are not healthy for your kids. You need to make your kids feel special. You must praise them for their achievement and help them when they fail. A successful parent is one whose all kids feel that my parents love me the most. If you can achieve this feeling in your kids, you are doing something great.
7- Your extra ordinary kid can also be lost in this world of competition: Your child was achieving well in one of his/her school, you have now put them in another school and you feel they are lost in the crowd. This is quite common and happens with many kids. Don’t feel sad about this and only concentrate on developing them better. Its alright if they are not achieving what they were achieving in past until and unless they are on the right track and a parent can be the best judge for that.